Winter of the West – 6 Graphics That Illustrate What Winters Mean in the Land Outside The North

If you’re anywhere in the kingdom of the North right now, and by that, we mean the states that Raj Thackeray absolutely loves to hate – chances are, you’re reading this while being held captive by the comfy-confines of your rajai. That, on top of 2 jackets, 3 sweaters, 3 woollen vests… and we guess that’s just snug enough. Because that’s what winters are for, right? Tailor-made for the lazy and the introverts to just stay holed up inside all day. But have you ever wondered what winter in the Indian Westeros feels like? Of course, you won’t go and find out for yourself – you’re too lazy being warm and snug right? So sit back, keep sipping on that heavenly cup of tea, and have a look at 6 illustrations that epitomize what winters in West India be like –

1) To see or not to see?


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Mumbaikars are an intelligent bunch of people. They would know the answers to 99/100 questions. That 1 other question being – “What is fog/mist?”. Indeed, on the coldest of winter mornings (that’s 12° C for us!), the visibility is still enough for us to spot our crush from 100 metres away (that’s as close as we can get to them anyway). “Fog chal raha hai” is a sentence we speak only in reference to the ad…

2) Speaking of winter mornings…


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To you northies, the ultimate winter accomplishment would probably be stepping out of the bed, one reluctant limb at a time, and going to work. For the people down here, our biggest accomplishment is realizing sleep is no sweat-session anymore. No tossing, turning or waking up 10 times in the night to wipe that sweat off our backs – it is finally time to have a sweat-less sleep (because that’s as good as it gets for us!). Yes you may bring on the pitiful laughs…

3) Ingredients for the recipe to a warm house…


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The westerners will never know this – the northerners have a whole basement/cellar full of winter material! Call it their armoury of sorts, which is stocked up with sweaters, jackets, gloves, heaters, coal, kerosene, etc. After all, creating the recipe for a warm house involves Masterchef-ish skills! What’s the recipe for a warm house in the west though?

A house with the fans switched off. Yup, that’s all folks.

4) What’s essential here is not essentially essential elsewhere…


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What’s winter without sipping on some boiling hot tea, right? What if we asked you to gulp down an ice-cream in the winter? Don’t worry we won’t – we can hear your bones shivering and teeth chattering at the mere prospect of it! But that’s winter down here in a nutshell – the perfect opportunity for us to fully and truly enjoy ice creams and kulfis without worrying about them melting away within 2 minutes like they do during the other 11 months of the year… #TheOnlyPositiveThingAboutOurWinter

5) Fake it when you can’t flake it


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Ah, the joy of snowflakes! Collecting a bunch in your hand and then smacking it across the face of a nearby human… is an event the people down below can only watch in a movie and envy! For, the only “flakes” available here… give us not joy, but cancer! Talk about “breath-taking” things… #PunIntended.

6) The Theory of Romantic Relativity


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Well, if you’re lucky enough to have found a partner, you would know that every relationship has certain rules/guidelines. Here’s a little pro-tip: NEVER touch your S-O’s face if you’re in the North during winter! You vowed to be with each other through health and sickness – not summer and winter. They might love you and everything, but if lay your cold, godforsaken hands on their poor frosted face – be prepared to go back to Tinder swiping for new partners…

… or you could head here to the west. And let the barely-there winter allow you to get all warm and cuddled up with your partner without ending up irritating them. Yes, romance does blossom here – after all, why else would the King of Romance himself shift to Mumbai?

winter tweet

This tweet basically summarises the stark difference between the winters of the 2 regions that we love to compare. Guess we know who wins the winter battle!

(PS – If you haven’t already guessed it, yes, I am a poor victim of the winter-less west – the land where “winter” is nothing but a summer mellowed down temporarily by some weed. If you’re a North Indian, I bet you’re probably laughing at our miseries. If you’re a westerner like me, hell, catch up with me and we’ll do something these northies can only dream of – get out of the home. And maybe grab a vanilla cone. Drop by in the comments!)